The NBA regular season is here, fantasy drafts are complete and your opening week roster is set. But you're not truly ready for the NBA season until you check off the most important to-do of them all: picking your fantasy team name.
The general rules for picking a good name for your fantasy basketball team are the same as they are for football, baseball, hockey or bowling:
1. Use an active player on your roster. Have you done the impossible and managed to create a clever team name out of "Antetokounmpo"? Good for you! But if you don't actually have Giannis on your fantasy team, you can't use the name. Sorry, those are the rules. "But what if I have Kostas Antetokounmpo on my fantasy team?" Good question. Your fantasy team has bigger issues than figuring out a name.
2. Keep timeliness in mind. Fantasy team names are like Halloween costumes. Something that seemed funny in May might not be as topical in late October. Remember this as you create your team name. And this goes double for those of you thinking up your fantasy team name while dressed in costume as that Starbucks cup left on camera in that one "Game of Thrones" episode. You can do better.
3. Lean into puns. This is the most important rule of all. As a brilliant person once wrote, "Here's the truth about puns: They rule. That is: Puns rule if you think of them. If other people drop a pun? Eh. Kind of lame. Your puns, though? Great. Inspired, even." OK, brilliance is relative. But puns are not. All of your puns are great.
So let's get to it. Here are 43 fantasy basketball team-name options for the 2019-20 season. But before you continue reading, please remember to only groan at these team names internally so you don't disturb your co-workers.
Scratching the Jokic
LeBrains and LeBron
Curry Up and Wait
Bang the Drummond
Grin and Gobert It
Rockem' Siakam Robots
The Little Pascals
"But you said timeliness is important. Did you seriously just use a 25-year-old NBA player's name to reference a film series of the 1920s?" Uhhhhhh ... hey, quick! Look down there! There's more team names!
Stay Off the Embiid!
The First Joel
Hall of Dame
Beal Before Zod
By the way, have you checked out Peyton's Places on ESPN+? It's very good. Also of note, my fantasy team name is: The Company Man.
World Russell'ing Entertainment
The Zion King
John, Paul George and Rondo
I'm not saying you should make a point to draft John Collins, Paul George and Rajon Rondo in the first three rounds in order to claim this Beatles-inspired team name, I'm just saying you should seriously consider it.
Girl You Know It's Jrue
Who, What, When, Where, Kawhi
Don't Kawhi About It
Blake It Til You Make It
Wake and Blake
If you're a Pistons fan who lives in Michigan and you don't name your fantasy team Blake Superior, you should be sent to state prison or forced to live in Ohio, whichever you feel is worse.
Stairway to Devin
My Soul Shall Be Hield
McCollum As I McSee'em
Eric Bledsoe Much That He Needed a Transfusion
(Proudly stolen from the old ESPN commercial that featured a Drew Bledsoe nickname.)
Get Off My Lonzo
Super Dario Bros.
Grin and Barrett
Dedmon Tells No Tales
Fine, you come up with a better fantasy team name for someone who has Karl-Anthony Towns and Dennis Schroder rostered and is into theoretical quantum mechanics.
Team Never Google Fournier
Sexton at Work
Better Call Gasol
Mo Bamba No. 5
School of Hard Knox
50 Shades of Klay
And last and definitely least ...
There Is No Clever Giannis Antetokounmpo Fantasy Team Name
Look, this fact is an NBA fantasy tragedy. The name of the top player in the game can't be punned. Think I'm wrong? Hey, I'd be happy to be wrong. Tweet me a good Giannis Antetokounmpo-based fantasy team to @DJGalloETC and if I agree, I will Venmo you one (1) American dollar as a reward for your service to the fantasy community. Godspeed.